Cyber Connections Cafe\’

Real Stories of People Riding the Internet Wave

True colors didn’t show up online

Posted by Jeanette Juryea on November 17, 2006

I found this gem on


Okay, I’m a little shallow. I look for the hot guys. And there’s certainly a lot to choose from on this site. Good-looking, young professionals, which suited me fine. I found one that looked nice. I winked at him. He winked back. So I gave him my email address and he IM’d me. We had a pleasant conversation – not too long because he had to go. But I wanted to get to know him better, so we IM’d again. He was very friendly online. I could tell he was slightly eccentric, but he was good looking and his IM’s didn’t give me the impression I was talking to a total alien. He was rather sweet. We chatted off and on for two weeks until I felt comfortable giving him my phone number.


We only spoke on the phone one time and he made me feel very comfortable so I took a chance and agreed to go out with him.


He said to dress up because we’re going somewhere very nice. He seemed excited so I had high expectations. And I dressed up!


He didn’t.


He showed up in old jeans with paint stains, a holey tee shirt with tree pictures. Steel-tip boots with paint and a baseball hat worn backwards. In hind site, I remembered his photo. It was a close up of only his face. But he had a nice smile and nice eyes. Now, seeing the total package, was a different story.


He arrived in his pick-up truck and pulled flowers out from under the bench seat. The flowers were a nice touch, but they actually appeared hand-picked and I worried whose garden they came from. He greeted me with a hug so I decided to give him a chance even though I was seriously over-dressed compared to him.


We went to a candlelit Italian restaurant in the Manyunk district of Philadelphia. I felt like everyone was staring at us. Mostly because of the way he was dressed – like he just came in from a paint job. He was very polite to me, but to the staff, he behaved like he was having beers in a bar with the guys. “There’s two of us and I want to be able to smoke!” he demanded. We got to our table and the waitress asked if we wanted a drink, and he belted, “Ugh! This is our first date. I could use a stiff one!”


We ordered our dinner and he complained about the prices. At first, we made polite conversation. Sometimes he would just make random and bizarre remarks – for example – he would ask me a question, I would answer and he would respond with something wacky like, “Sometimes I feel that we’re all just aliens on this planet.”


Soon, our topics became pretty deep – a little too deep for a first date, but by this time I may have been looking for faults. We discussed religious values, how our parents met and he informed me that his mother’s an alcoholic. He said that his deepest darkest ambitions in life come when he’s a little buzzed and he’s trying to evaluate his position in this world. I’m a psychology major and I’m used to people talking real deep thoughts with me so I wasn’t too surprised. Maybe he was intimidated and was trying too hard – trying to say intelligent things.


Then he did the craziest thing. He asked, “Do you mind if I smoke?” I said I don’t mind and I pulled out a cigarette.  But instead of a cigarette, he took out a baggie of tobacco and rolled his own cigarette right there at the table! (No – not pot – real cigarette tobacco! Pot would have been less weird and would have explained his behavior.) I was practically mortified. The whole restaurant was staring.  (Okay, so they rolls his own.  Even if that ‘s not strange, he could have rolled a few at home and put them in a cigarette case.)


Our dinner arrived and he rolled his baggie up and left it sit on the table during dinner. The waiter looked at it suspiciously, but thankfully said nothing. I excused myself to go to the bathroom to call my roommate to make sure she’d be home.  On the way there, the waiter pulled me aside. “Is that your brother?” he asked.  I explained that this was a blind date. “Oh, that explains it. You don’t seem like a good match.” (How ironic that he used that word.)  I asked him if there was anything he could do to speed up our departure. He said he would do his best.


I went back to the table and we finished dinner through more bizarre conversations. I was trying to be open minded, but I couldn’t help focusing on how weird he was and how uncomfortable he was making me and how oblivious he was to that fact. It seemed apparent to him that nothing was wrong.


He wanted dessert, but I talked him out of it. I suggested Ben & Jerry’s down the street (thinking we could eat cones on our walk back to the car to speed things up.) In Ben & Jerry’s, he finally took off his hat. His ear-length, died black, stick straight, yet fried hair made him look like Beaker from the Muppets. I forced back a giggle, and forever thought of him as my Muppet date. No wonder he tucked it under the hat. And no wonder his photo online was only of his face. His hair (and hat) were not shown.


When we got back to my apartment he asked to use my bathroom. I hesitated, but I also knew he drove an hour and a half for our date, so I allowed it. My roommate was home, which made me feel better. She and I waited in the kitchen while he was in the bathroom. We did not want to encourage him into the living room. I just wanted him gone. But, he wanted to hang out! “Come on. It’s early.” he said. I lied and said I had to get up early the next morning. He said we just got back from dinner. He planned on hanging out afterward – waddaya mean? That’s when he brought out the REAL weed. He offered me a bowl but I held firm and asked him to leave. My roommate had her cell phone in her hand in case he gave us trouble.


He kept saying “do I really have to go? I thought we could hang out.” When I got to the door, he asked if he could see me again. I made up an excuse. He gave me a hug and tried to kiss me. I pulled back. He said, “What, I drove an hour and a half and bought you dinner and dessert and you just push me out the door? That’s bullshit!” I asked him to go because he was making me uncomfortable. He swore and flipped me the bird and jumped in his truck and sped off.


My roommate and I stayed close to the phone the rest of the night, but I never heard from him again – luckily!

 I guess learned to spend the time chatting online more wisely. Get to know a person a little better – ask the right questions or pick the right topics. I don’t mean to take longer than 2 weeks. But, whenever we IM’d, our conversations were pretty short because I was usually at work. I wish I had used the time online to find out more about his personality. But maybe true colors only show up in person.



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