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Archive for December, 2006

How many dates does it take to find a decent guy?

Posted by carron on December 3, 2006

Oh boy, online dating…Well, I had a few experiences that you could call alarming or strange.  I go a lot on my intuition, and it has saved me alot of grief, I think.  First of all, I’m a widow, and after about 14 months I wanted to pen pal with other folks, to get to know some people.  That included males.  I think my first site was “Friendship.com” but I don’t know if they are still in existence.  I met a few guys online, we chatted in a chat room and then one on one via email.  One particular guy I emailed with for awhile, but never met in person because he was soooo strange.  He kept asking me if I had a “long neck”.  I made a joke of it and said, Yeah, I’m a real giraffe.  But I think he was serious.   We exchanged pictures, and he kept calling & emailing me, telling me he thought my neck was lovely”…he got my son on the phone one time and made a comment to me about “who was that?”  He seemed very distrusting, and made comments about Steven sounding much older than 17.  Right away I didn’t like that.  I decided that he wasn’t one I wanted to meet, and wrote a polite email to that effect, and in return, he totally freaked out on me.  I had to end up blocking him and fortunately for me, I never gave an address or my last name, and he lived far enough away I didn’t have to worry about him finding me. Shortly after, I got an unlisted phone number.Another guy I met for coffee, after several weeks of email and phone calls.  I thought we had a lot in common, until he dropped the bomb on me that he had 5 kids, all under 10 years old!  His brother was living with him as a live-in nanny.  As we got to talking, he admitted that his wife left him and that she was pregnant with their 6th.  He was very resistant to my questions about why she left, but I had the underlying feeling that he abused her.  He was an army officer, and I just had a sneaking suspicion that he was not a nice person.  No one leaves 5 kids for no reason, and pregnant to boot!  I decided after meeting him once that was enough.The next strange one was when I was emailing & chatting with a guy who seemed very normal.  He was a football fan, good old country boy from what he said, devoted father or two.  He had a steady job, had been divorced for a few years, etc.  We had one coffee date, I liked him and he liked me, so we decided to go out to dinner another night.  As we sat down to order, he told the waitress, separate checks, please.  I thought, ok, that’s pretty strange and a little cheap of him, considering he asked ME out, but ok.  After we had talked a bit and we were in the middle of dinner, he got on the subject of his wife, how she had cheated on him, etc.  He then said, very casually, “I really wanted to kill her.”  I kind of nodded, like I could see how he would be so angry, he would fleetingly want to put a bullet in her, but he said, NO, I mean, I REALLY planned to kill her.  As if it was the most normal thing in the world.  I thought, ok, whack job, I’m out of here.  I finished up pretty quickly and asked the waitress for my check, and he wanted to know if I wanted to come back to the house & watch football….no thanks!  Never saw him again. The last story:  I met a guy online, who lived fairly close to me, but seemed a little off from the start, but I figured, what the heck, we will meet for coffee.  We met and he seemed very nice, clean cut, articulate, but after we got to talking…(notice a pattern here, ha ha ha!?) he dropped the comment that his first wife had left him (again, a common pattern here) and proceeded to plow into his “how I hate her and look what she did to me” whining.  (If I had a dime for all of these stories I’ve had to listen to, I’d be rich, like most women will tell you.)  I told him I preferred not to talk about his divorce, since that was his private business, and I just would like to get to know him.  He said, fine, then proceeded to tell me about all the bum dates he’s had since his wife left, including kinky sex!  Mind you, this is at 10 am in the morning, in a country diner!  I had to head that conversation off at the pass as well.  He then asked me for a date.  He wanted to take me to dinner.  I asked him could we please not talk about weird dates or his ex wife.  He agreed, and promised a clean slate. 

We met for dinner, and he was a real gentleman.  No separate checks this time.  He was educated and had an interesting job (airline pilot), so we talked about that for awhile.  I never have spent any time talking with any of the men I met about my husband who had died, and interestingly enough, not a one really showed any interest!  Anyhow, Mr. Airline Pilot got on a subject that told me he was not a candidate for date #2.  He informed me that he had an IQ that way above normal and therefore, most women couldn’t converse with him.  All of this with a straight face.  Unfortunately at that moment, I swallowed some water the wrong way and began to cough & choke.  He didn’t offer a napkin, or show any concern, and proceeded to continue to talk.  I had to leave for the bathroom to get control of my coughing, and when I came back, I decided I’d had enough and made an excuse about leaving early.  I was relieved to get out of there, the man was obviously in love with himself (kept checking his hair in the mirror behind me). 

Help!  How many dates does it take to find a decent guy?

  

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